I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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