Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
