I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
