dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
