I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
