you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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