Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
