Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
did i walk over a car last night?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
