im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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