my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
