Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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