I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
