i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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