You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
