I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
