I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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