the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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