no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
