It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
