Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
