One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have fence marks all over my body
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
