i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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