i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
