Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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