and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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