I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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