Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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