i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize