lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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