Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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