just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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