I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
