You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
