oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
