so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I party with great urgency now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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