You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
