I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
