i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
