watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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