I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I queefed so loud it echoed.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
