I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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