I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
