the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
