Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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