dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
