Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
