yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
