if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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