how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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