do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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