if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
