the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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