Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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