i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
