btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
