Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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