I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
