and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
