please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
