Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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