Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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