The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
