Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
