i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
