Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
