You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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