I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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