I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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