Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We talked him into tasing himself.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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