My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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