I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
