he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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