I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
