Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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