He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
