we made out on top of his cat.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
